Talk the Talk

Every culture has its own idea of what “small talk” consists of. You know the questions you ask when you first meet someone or they are just an acquaintance. And there are always those questions or topics that are not socially acceptable to ask someone you don’t know well. For example, in the states, you would never ask how old someone is when you first meet them. Getting used to what is considered small talk in Samoa was something I had to adjust to because it is far different than what is considered small talk in the states.

A few weeks back, I was walking and a woman was out waiting for a bus and asked if she could walk with me for a bit. I had never met nor seen this woman before, but we started talking as we walked. The following is a general overview of what we discussed and a great example of what small talk is in Samoa.

One of the first things we established was each others’ names, which is not usually a first question. I have spoken to several Samoans where I do not find out their name until the end of the conversation (or maybe not even at all). I also found out that she was leaving her work of being a house cleaner in my village and was going home. This then led to me inquiring about where she lived. This all sounds pretty normal for someone from the states to this point.

Over the next 5 minutes that we were together (yes, you read that right, it was only about 5 minutes that we walked and talked), this is what I learned about this woman. She has two children who live with her brother on Savai’i (the other island). She lives in a village in the Apia area with her mom. She is 32. Her birthday is in June and she asked for my phone number so that she could invite me to hang out with her on her birthday.

The fact that I know things like her age and her children make it sound like we are close friends from an American perspective, however, these are normal things to talk about with strangers in Samoa. I remember when we first moved to our training village, one of the first questions I was asked was how old I was. It is also not unusual to be asked if you are married almost immediately and if you have kids. There is also no assumption that just because you aren’t married, you don’t have kids.

One of the most common questions anyone asks here in Samoa though (especially when seen walking or sometimes even when you are just sitting) is “Where are you going?” Even if it is obvious that you are walking to school, people with call out “E te alu i fea?” (Where are you going?) That was actually what started my entire conversation with this woman.

I used to get annoyed by the questions: Where are you going? How old are you? Are you married? I have slowly become used to it though and I was actually the one to initially ask some of these small talk questions to this woman. I haven’t heard from her about seeing her on her birthday, but I’ll keep you posted.