Being Free to Laugh (at yourself)

Being embarrassed is a part of life. People get self-conscious when they think they are being silly or doing the wrong thing in front of other people. It seems to be so hard to feel and be free to laugh at yourself when you do something that can be considered embarrassing. I was pretty lucky that I grew up with a mom who would typically say, “We will never see these people again.” whenever she was about to do something that would embarrass her or me. This helped me to not be so self-conscious in life, but there are certainly still times that I get self-conscious or try to stay out of the “spotlight” for fear of doing or saying something that will be judged by others. In Samoa, however, I have learned to take more time to laugh at myself when I do or say something silly.

Being ridiculous and somewhat silly is actually a point of pride in Samoa. I have seen so many Samoans dance like they’re drunk (when they’re actually sober), fall (usually on accident), or do some other ridiculous thing and their first reaction is to laugh at themselves. They don’t appear to be embarrassed or self-conscious when they do these things. Instead, they think it is funny and they will laugh and continue on with what they are doing. 

This is something about the Samoan people that I truly love: their ability to laugh at themselves. They don’t get easily embarrassed, they don’t think twice about being silly, they just go for it, full on. Being around this energy has rubbed off on me. 

Initially, I would get laughed at for how I spoke Samoan or the way that I danced. I thought it was mean. However, over time, I have come to realize that to them, I do dance funny, and my Samoan is not always correct. I do not need to always look a certain way or speak a certain way. I do not need to be perfect. It became so much easier to laugh with them than to feel defensive and defeated. Over time, I have laughed more and more at myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel defeated and defensive sometimes. That is simply the human condition when it comes to feeling like you messed up and people start to laugh at you. However, I have come to realize that nothing is too serious that you can’t just laugh even a little about it. So take some time today to laugh at yourself and be silly even if people are watching. For all you know, you may never see those people again.

The Art of the Eyebrows

Every culture has non-verbal ways of communicating. There are universal signs: the middle finger, choking, etc. There are also gestures, body language, and signs that are specific to different cultures. And certain gestures can mean one thing in one culture and a totally different thing in another culture. Living in Samoa for nearly three years has definitely taught me this.

The biggest non-verbal way of communicating in Samoa is through the use of eyebrows. In the states, if someone raised their eyebrows at me, I would assume they are trying to hit on me or they are just being creepy. In Samoa, however, whole conversations can be had through eyebrows. 

Raising your eyebrows in Samoa can mean many things, however, the main thing that it means is “yes”. When asking someone a yes or no question in Samoa, you may get a non-verbal response of just eyebrows, no words. If any sound is included, it is probably just a little grunt of ascension. This was something that took me a while to really have imbedded in my brain. I constantly looked for a verbal response of ioe (yes) or leai (no). Sometimes, the eyebrow raise would be so subtle that I hardly even registered it. Over time, however, I have adjusted to this non-verbal cue. I have actually found myself doing this on several occasions. 

I also use eyebrow raises just to affirm that I am listening to someone and understand what they are saying. I have seen Samoans, however, use their eyebrows to communicate way beyond my understanding. It’s like a second language for them at times.

I have found this non-verbal communication totally fascinating, but I have adapted and assimilated to it. So if you see me in the states and I respond to your question with just a raise of my eyebrows, I am not hitting on you, I am simply answering your question.