Loss is something we all have to deal with at some point. We may be ready for it or we may be caught unaware by it. It may happen when we are young or we may be lucky enough to experience loss when we are older and wiser. Regardless, it comes.
In Samoa, losing loved ones happens often given that everyone is related. I remember going to 3 or 4 different funerals within my first 6 weeks at site. Death is not a taboo topic here. Loved ones get buried in front yards. People are confronted with their loss on a daily basis.
I am not new to loss. I have lost, unexpectedly. I have also been witness to others’ loss. It is tragic. It is sad. It is heartbreaking. How Samoans manage to confront it every day baffles me.
As I write this though, I realize how important it is to confront our losses every day. It helps push us through and make it to another day. It isn’t easy and even when we can anticipate it, we still feel it deeply.
When I moved in with my host family, my host dad was having health issues. He had something going on with his tongue. Like the stubborn man he is, he chose not to see a doctor and chose Samoan remedies instead.
Fast forward 6 months...my host dads tongue has become worse. He still won’t see a doctor, but he has a Samoan fofo come over to help. Essentially the fofo rubs leaves and oil on his tongue to help it heal.
As time passes, my host dad continues to get sick. He finally, reluctantly, agrees to go to the doctor. At this point his tongue is swollen and he has developed a lump on his neck. The doctor says they need to do a biopsy, which will be sent to New Zealand for analysis. We have to wait two weeks for results.
While my host dad continues to deteriorate, we finally get the results: aggressive cancer, stage 4. My host dad, however, refuses to admit that’s true. He continues to see Samoan fofo while his condition continues to deteriorate.
I’m sure you see where this story leads. While I was on vacation, my host dad passed away. We may not have spoken much, but he was a protective and loving soul. He wanted to make sure I was well taken care of and that made me love him.
Something people may not realize about the peace corps is just how much we come to love our communities, families, and all the people who we work with. We truly develop deep relationships with so many people. Not all of us will experience loss among these people, but when it does happen, it is almost as heartbreaking for us as it is for our host communities and families.
I am deeply saddened by my host dads death and even more so by the loss my host family has to endure.
RIP Mila
